Thursday, October 29, 2009

It's THAT Time of Year

Well, the holidays are officially upon us, as of this week. Know how I know? I got 26 catalogs in the mail today. Yep, TWENTY-SIX. Most of them went straight into the recycle bin. A couple I kept to page through, just for fun. One of my favorites was in there, one that makes me laugh. It's one of those catalogs that has all these goofy novelty and pop-culture gifts; crap that nobody really needs but you inevitably end up buying for one of your good friends because it "just fits" them. I was not disappointed by this year's selection of gifts. I even found a couple items to put on my must-read list:
Wonder Woman is my hero, so I'm sure the first book will be full of handy tips from the Amazon perspective. I can see it now: "If your boss insists on calling you "Honey," wrap his ass in the Golden Lasso of Truth and dangle him off the 34th Floor window ledge." And the second book? Well, really, what more is there to say? I'm giggling already. Probably my favorite thing about this catalog, though, is the selection of wittily-captioned t-shirts. Face it, we can all use more t-shirts. And many of these we'd LOVE to wear in public, but couldn't quite get away with it. A few of my favorites: Don't make me get the Flying Monkeys! National Sarcasm Society - Like we need your support.... Some days it's not even worth chewing through the restraints. Just another poo-flingin' day in the jungle. Sarcasm. Just one more service I offer. Patience is a virtue, but flipping someone off feels better. I'm a BadAss. You're just an Ass. Easily distracted by shiny objects. Heavily medicated for your safety. Yet despite the look on my face, you're still talking. Paddle Faster! I hear banjo music. I admit it. I ate the last cookie. Looking for love (will settle for green jelly beans) The decline of Western Civilization leaves me strangely unmoved. Careful, or you'll end up in my novel. What would Yoda do? Your ass, kick it, he would! Police Officer: Our job is to save your ass, not kiss it. And my personal fave... If you woke up this morning.... It's because Jack Bauer spared your life. Only 56 more shopping days, People!

1 comment:

  1. Love the shirt careful or you'll end up in my novel! I need one of those! Being from the south I need the paddle faster...I hear banjo music to wear at work or when I am shooting pool in league!

    Funny I have to borrow catalogs to look at the pretty pictures and you all get them in the mail? Would the junk catalog be Carole Wright? I borrowed that one from my friend!


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